Being around toxic personality is a drag, isn’t it? How about when you ended up dating one? Ugh! Unfortunately, falling for a person with toxic personality could lead to heartbreak. Not just that, damages that have been done could affect you long-term and changes the way you view life, relationship and the way you love. People with toxic personality are not easy to spot either, most assert their negative behavior emotionally and psychologically. to make matters worse, they may not even be aware of their toxic behavior either! If you are getting back into the dating and relationships game, here are 4 toxic personalities you must avoid dating at all cost. If you are currently dating someone with one or more of this toxic behavior, we will also talk about how to deal with them and reclaim your life.
While these new digital dating glossary with cute names to describe these toxic behaviors might make you think that this is a new age digital dating problem, au contraire, these types of behavior exists for as long the day is long, just in various different circumstances and era.
The Stashing Guru
What is it: Stashing refers to a relationship where it seemed to be serious and going somewhere, but you realize that your partner has avoided introducing you to the family, friends, or other significant people in his/her life. Not just that, there is also no mention of you or your relationships situation anywhere in his/her social media feed. It feels like you have been ‘stashed away’ from the rest of the world.
Things is… : Your relationship and connection with the stasher feel like its the real deal. They mostly treat their significant other in a loving and committed manner – behind closed door. The sex is usually mind-blowing too! It is an actual relationship, except that you are being hidden away from basically other aspects of your partner’s life.
Why : It could be because your partner is not ready to commit and hoping to remain in the single’s market. Fear of intimacy or things getting real could also be a reason. Perhaps your partner feel you are not ‘up to par’ with people he usually date, so he/she is stashing you until someone better comes along. Whatever it is, there is actually no good reason to justify stashing. Read more about why
So: You don’t deserve to have these types of douche bags in your life. hit the road jack. Mind-blowing sex will still occur with that special someone.
Where have I seen this : Sex and the City Season 1 Episode 6 : Secret Sex – Carrie suspects Mr. Big is keeping her secret from his social circle.
Read More : Anthropological Take on Stashing
What is it : The worse kind of toxic personality (in this list). Gaslighting is an extremely effective form of emotional abuse that is quite common. Being gaslight by your partner could cause you to question your own feelings, instincts, and sanity. This is your partner’s way to gain a lot of power and control over the relationship and your life. Gaslighting occurs gradually over time, often under the guise of harmless misunderstanding. You are often convinced that you are overreacting, misunderstood, forgetful, or worse, lying. Your opinions, feelings and your version of events are also often trivialized by your partner, causing confusion, anguish, and depression.
Thing is… : Being gaslighted occurs gradually sometimes you don’t even realize it. There is no one sure fire way to be gaslighted either. You are not necessarily being taunted, sometimes it can disguise as a concern; sayings such as ” are you sure? you can be forgetful sometimes” ” you are too sensitive, it is all in your head” ” stop making things up, that didn’t happen”. The relationship between you and your partner may appear normal.
Why : Power and control — need we say more? You see gaslight behavior everywhere, not just in your relationship. Some people are not aware that they are gaslighting others, while those who know could also be a pathological gaslighter. They use this behavior to manipulate and control people around them.
So : It is not a good idea to confront this sort of behavior- why ? the gaslighter will deny deny deny, further put you into confusion and anguish. People who gaslight have narcissistic tendencies, in other words, shit won’t stick on them and they won’t ‘realize’ what they have done is wrong. The best things to do is step out of the situation so you can access the whole picture without his/her influence. Ask for a second opinion if you have to, speak to a professional. The aim is to gain control of your life and start standing up for your self. Eventually, you will be left alone.
Where Have I Seen This : What Lies Beneath (2000 Film)
What is it : You spend a few months of your life dating somebody, thinking everything is going great only to break up with you because they are not ‘ready’ to go through the next stage of commitment, only for your ex to announce his/her engagement like 6 months later? Does that make you feel like a sucker? Hyping is when that person hooks up with you to sort out their life issues and their needs. You are there to make them risk assess their shitty messy life, help them fix their problem, get their priority sorted, bring out the best in them and then off they go to be with someone better. Hyping is pretty much like a rebound, except that you are emotionally invested in helping that scumbag you are dating sort out his/her issue.
Thing is… : You put so much energy to make this person feel good about themselves, because you are so into them. More often than not, your partner came into the relationship all messed up, from recent breakup or job loss or some sort of drama that made them feel insecure. But once they are back to normal, instead of reciprocating, they think they can do better, breaks up with you and let someone else reap the benefit of your hard work. What a wanker
Why : Because people, in general, live their lives with regret. There is too much should’ve, could’ve’, would’ve. If they are at the receiving end of a breakup, they often reevaluate what went wrong and what he/she could have done better. Hyping relationship is all about inflating ones ego, so they can heal from the initial loss. Unfortunately, they are so caught up in his/her own drama to give a damn about who and what they ended up hurting. It is also because they are piss weak , insecure, attention seeking, self-loathing knob head who constantly need the approval of others to feel better about themselves. Well, my friend, that is self should be a major red flag.
So : Protect yourself by learning to catch the ‘hyping traits’ early – before you become emotionally invested. Does the relationship feels one-sided ? do you find yourself having to give A LOT before even receiving something in return? Do you spend a lot of time telling your partner that he/she is awesome and deserves the best ? or discussing regrets about his/her previous relationships lot? yeah, don’t waste your time and talent with this sort of people. Unless you are that type of personality who feels sorry for this person and use your time, heart and effort as a sacrificial goat just to make him/her feel better (yes this sort of people exist) – I really have nothing to say to you then.
Where Have I Seen This : 500 Days of Summer (2009 Film)
Read More : That New Dating Trend Called Hyping
What is it : You are seeing this person, and thought everything was going well. Then suddenly, he / she ghosted you. Like any other self-respecting person, you move on. But then a few months later, this ex of yours pop up again, by texting you or messaging you on social media. LIKE.NOTHING.EVER.HAPPENED.
Thing is… : They just vanish without a trace and think its their goddamn god given right just to reappear as if nothing happened. How rude! Plus, when you contact them because you are genuinely concerned about what happened to them, it made you look stalker-ish. Not to mention time wasting and you are worried for no bloody reason.
Why: I can psychoanalyze this till the cows come home (lack of self-awareness, lack of self-esteem, constantly need attention). But really there is only one why. This sorry excuse for a human being is too selfish to go out of his comfort zone to do the right thing. Yes, he/she cannot be bothered telling you that it’s not going to work because it makes them uncomfortable! So, if they ignore you — the problem goes away without them having to put themselves in a fiddle. So they don’t care how you feel (obviously)- as long as they are not affected by it. fuck me, what a jerk! Same reasons apply with them reappearing after. By texting, rejection seems low risk – what’s the worse that could happen right?
So : This person does not respect you, does not care about your feelings and certainly have stupid self-serving interest. Do not reply that text! ignore it no matter how lonely or horny you are. If you don’t know by now that you deserve to be treated better than that, then go on, get involved. Don’t come back crying after.
Where Have I Seen This : That one time when Charlize Theron Ghosted Sean Penn
Read More : When an Ex Rises from the Online Dead
Lastly, you need to know this;
Do not settle, KNOW that you deserve the best for yourself. While affirmation from others does make you feel worthy and good, ultimately, self-care and how you treat yourself is what matters. While it is not your fault that you tend to meet these bunch of self-serving toxic douchebags, it is your responsibility to take charge of your life and destiny; prevent and get yourself out of toxic situation and environment.
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