I have a confession to make, years prior to meeting my husband. My first love was with a guy a met online. There were no online dating rules, E-Harmony or Tinder, it was merely a chatroom. We ‘dated’ online for 8 months, laughed, cried and we fell in love. We met after 8 months and the whole thing lasted for 2 dates. 2 dates! but the heartbreak was real.. it lasted a whole goddamn month. Ahhh… young love.
Let’s face it, dating nowadays is no longer about going out in your best dress and being swept off your feet by a tall, dark and handsome stranger. Meeting someone in this day and age revolves around chilling in bed, in your jammies and swiping right or left. Traditional or modern dating, finding that special someone is still not as simple as it seems. Never has the pool of potential partners been so vast, yet the bigger the sample of choices are, the harder and more superficial it has ever been.
Dating is complicated enough without worrying about doing it right or wrong. Like… who comes up with the 3 days communication rules? A lot of things can happen in 72 hours! Our 6 Modern Rules of Dating is a guide for you to implement on yourself to creating the relationship you want and deserves.
The Good Thing About Modern Dating
- More choices, would like to meet a tall, blonde, surfing dude with rock hard abs? no problem!
- It is a good dating tool for an introvert. For some people, it takes a long time to get comfortable with someone new. Dating online/app helps reduce the anxiousness, you can be yourself from the get-go. Meeting now is part of the evolution, not the start.
- You can pick who and what you want out of a date; before you even get out of bed
- You spend less time shortlisting the applicant, your first date is really..online
- You can decide what you want out of the relationship at an early stage. Whether is it for a long-term relationship, a friend or a booty call.
The Bad Thing About Modern Dating
- You get some nefarious AF characters out there…
- People don’t want to work towards competency. If it doesn’t work out, it is easy to jump back on that app and meet more candidates.
- It has never been so easy to date several people and strays further for commitment
- People have become more superficial than before.
Rules of dating itself are hard to define, especially since relationships are so fluid and each one of them is different. However, you are able to control one aspect of the relationship, your involvement, mindset and expectation. So let’s take a glance at the modern dating advice that you can follow to achieve success in meeting someone special.
Behind your mobile screen, you can become anybody. Sometimes an exorbitantly form of exaggeration could come back to bite you. Be honest about your self and your values. Lying will only make you freak out about lying, and later spend a majority of your time worrying about it instead of enjoying yourself. Use a photo that looks like you instead of a heavily altered one. If you put yourself out there with a certain degree of transparency, you have a better chance of meeting someone who shares the same value as you.
Real Life Connection
Striking up a conversation online lowers your inhibition and sometimes you can’t help but channel the ‘inner’ vixen/romeo in you. Plus, receiving rejection doesn’t sting so badly either. However, the connection you experience online needs to continue in real life for the relationship to flourish. So don’t just focus on being awesome online. Bring your A game and focus on being personable in real life too.
Love is Hard Work
It is no doubt that love is hard work, there is a lot of guesswork, mind games, expectations. While the ways to meet people have over time changed drastically, the relationship paradigm between two people hasn’t. Not everyone experience compatibility straight off the bat. It is so easy to give up when knowing getting back into the game is as easy as swiping right. But think of it this way, you can have all the options in the world, but there will be only one person who would be the one for you perfectly. Don’t miss out on that chance just because you cannot be bothered trying.
Take Your Time
A good friend of mine who is unmarried and approaching 40 (despite being super successful and good looking) said dating is difficult. There might be hundreds of matches but many times, it never work out. He showed me his messages to possible candidates once and boy, he sounded so corny and desperate. It freaks people out!. He tried too hard because he feels like he is running out of time to find someone and start a family. So he stayed at the ‘start over’ position without going anywhere with anyone despite speaking to many women. This is sad because he is such a great catch, if only he be himself and take his time. Take it easy, tell yourself to slow down and really take your time to get to know that person, and for that person to get to know you.
Choose the Right Medium
There are so many meeting people platforms out there. Do a research on them before going in to see if the purpose of the app suits you. Ending up in a wrong environment and the wrong people might put you off dating. Make sure the sites are suitable for your demographic, location and purpose. Ask your self about your dating style, are you introverted or extroverted? Do you want to go on a series of casual dates, or are you hoping for a long-term relationship?. Knowing these will help you weed off the time-wasting apps and hopefully get on one that works well for you.
Be sure to prioritise your feeling first. Listen to your gut feeling and your movement. Whatever your goals are out of dating, it is okay to be selective. It is important to find that person who shares the same goals as you. Never feel the need to go with the flow just to please someone else, let that be future goals, intentions, expectation or even sex. Most importantly, don’t just ‘settle’. Work towards getting the relationship you want. The sense of sureness gives you confidence that will ultimately lead to a positive dating experience.
Whatever you decided to do when dating, the most important thing is to have fun. It is not meant to be a stressful activity because the fear our society has instilled in us such as fear of being alone, being old and unmarried or simply worrying about your biological clock. Never be afraid to try something new, just remember to set yourself up with the above advice, and you’ll be fine.