As told to Smithsology
My relationship confessions may seem a little silly to some.
Eric and I have been together for 3 years and married for 1. Our relationship has been great so far and we love each other. From the outside perspective, we seem like the perfect couple and are made for each other. Eric is an Electrician and owns his own business while I an administrator for a retail business. Eric is friendly, sociable and good with people, while, I am the introvert, more of the homely type.
When we first started dating, I took an immediate liking to him. His positive outlook on life, his charming personality and fun factors made me a little in awe of him. In my eyes me, he was the cool guy while I am simply the boring, homely girl. I was actually surprised when our relationships continued after the first date! Now come to think of it, perhaps it was because he did all the talking. Eric is unlike any other man I have dated. Eric is a gentleman and he treated me like a queen. To be honest, I was so overwhelmed by the way he treated me, I never had anyone being ‘so into’ me and genuinely cared about my feelings and my comfort.
I fell in love with Eric almost right away and so did he with me. I love being his girlfriend, his likeability and popularity meant that we are at the centre of attention all the times. He makes and keep friends so easily. Everywhere we go, he would charm his way out of any situation. Needless to say that my parents and my friends warmed up to him as quickly as I did. Everyday feels like a holiday with him due to his positive vibes. I also loved the fact that I finally felt like I am in a proper relationship with someone and its serious and we are continuously moving forward. No one is playing games, no one is guessing the next moves, no worries about saying anything too soon or anything like that.
After a few months together, I started noticing something. Eric has a large pool of female friends. On top of that, everywhere we seem to go, he would always seem to make a connection with a female, especially when they are young and attractive. Eric is by no means ugly, at 5’11 with slim runners body, thick black hair and blue eyes Eric has a pretty average look. But there is something about his personality that gels so well with women. He can make any woman stop what they are doing, pay attention to him and swoooon! I used to think it was cute when it got us into some really difficult to get in restaurants but now I am not so sure.
He would take the time to be nice, complementary, kind and super sweet to them. He would never ignore me, in fact he never hides his sweet treatment towards me in front of them either. But that just made the women swoon more! ” oh, are you such a sweet husband” “isn’t he the cutest ? you are so lucky to have him”. Sometimes some of these women would not hesitate to fully converse with him, in front of me.. without including me. Sometimes they would even flirt with him! . I would be annoyed but would not say anything at first because I didn’t want to come across as jealous.
Not only that, over time, I also realised that majority of his best friends are girls, so are his professional service providers! His best girl friends would come over to the house and spent hours talking, having fun, playing video games. They would confide in him about their problems and issues. While they are nice to me, my friendship with his bff are nothing more than just “Hi & Bye”. I am never sure if they ever liked me. Plus, none of his girl-friends look anything like me, they are mostly hot, beautiful and outgoing.
When I asked him the “why me?” question, he would often laugh. Stating that he loved me because I am “me and no one else”. I never doubted that he loves me, but one can’t help but wonder why considering I am so different than the crowd he hangs out with.
A year into our relationship, I finally decided to speak with him about my concerns. He listened to me and let on a sigh, apparently ALL his previous girlfriends are concerned about his behaviour around women. I mean, he is nice to men too, but with women.. you know those Latino Men who would be so… ‘Mucho Espanyol’ with women? Yeah he is like that, just not sleazy. He said he doesn’t understand why I and his ex-girlfriends gets so bothered by this. His argument was he has always raised by his parents to treat women with respect and care. Plus “he gets lots of things done by being nice” he said. He assured me that nothing goes on beyond genuine friendship with other women and I am his one and only.
I believe him
Sometimes, it gets tiring to be ignored by a bunch of girls surrounding him and watching him treat these girls so well. On days where his friendliness affects me, I would think hard and ask my self, WHY ? Why does this bother me so much ? and when you hear other relationship horror stories… mine is pretty boring! my man is perfect! Part of me is afraid that one of these days, his niceness is going to get him into trouble. I just don’t trust other women out there who might take advantage of his good intentions. I don’t want to have to be in a predicament where I start having trust issues with him.
It’s not like I haven’t done things to reassure my self. I have accessed his phone, messages and Facebook accounts to see if anything was amiss. Heck, I even tracked his whereabouts via his iphone. I did all that crazy girlfriends stuff. Nothing, dude is just genuinely nice. I was left with the feeling of guilt and embarrassment. In my defence, I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t do my due diligence.
This is more of my own insecurity issue more than anything, I have tried to take it easy and tell myself that I am overreacting. Believe it or not, I just made it worse and started thinking of the worst! Every time I bring this issue up, he would apologize profusely and tell me he will tone it down in the future. But I know deep down no matter what he does, the only thing that will fully make me happy if he ceases communication with all females and pay attention to me, just me.
It’s terrible I just wish that he would being himself with other woman and only pay his undivided attention to me and just me. So I would stop feeling the way I feel. But 3 years on , I am too embarrassed to tell him this in case he thinks I am being ridiculous. Apart from this, our relationship is great, he is everything I ever wanted and more. I just want to keep him to myself and that’s that.